Sunday, November 21, 2010

Basketball Scoop – Will Ferrell Be A Hoosier?

Hoosier Deep Throat made the call just as I was ready for bed.

“I’ve got news,” he said in a whisper. “Meet me at the parking garage.”

“Can’t we do this over the phone?” I asked. “It’s past midnight.”

“Sure, right after I buy you a dress,” he said.

I met him at the garage.

He stood in the shadows, the strong smell of a burning cigar pinpointing his location.

“I thought you smoked cigarettes.”

“Consider this a victory cigar,” he said.

“So what was won?”

“A national championship. Or, it will be in a few years.”

A cigar flew out of the shadows. Then came a box of matches.

“Light up,” Hoosier Deep Throat said. “Moments like this don’t come very often.”

“I don’t smoke. Maybe it’s better if you explain yourself.”

“Yogi Ferrell. Maybe you’ve heard of him.”

“Of course. He’s the Indianapolis Park Tudor guard considered the nation’s No. 2 point guard and No. 17 player in the Class of 2012.”

Another cigar flew out of the darkness and bounced off my head.

“Very good. He’ll commit to Indiana this week. Bet the house.”

“I don’t bet.”

“You don’t bet and you don’t smoke. What do you do?”

“I talk to mysterious men in dark parking garages after midnight.”

Hoosier Deep Throat shifted and for just a second what seemed to be part of a shaved head emerged from the shadows, then quickly disappeared.

“Yogi is coming to Indiana,” Hoosier Deep Throat said again. “It’s a done deal.”

“I thought Yogi was deciding between IU, Butler, Virginia, Wake Forest and Florida.”

“Done deal,” Hoosier Deep Throat said again.

Suddenly IU coach Tom Crean can do no recruiting wrong. He has just gotten commitments from Indianapolis Cathedral’s Collin Hartman and Indianapolis Warren Central’s Devin Davis. Hartman is a 6-6 shooting forward. Davis is a 6-5 power forward. Both are rated as four-star players by

Both were at IU’s 67-54 victory over Evansville. So was Washington senior forward Cody Zeller, who has already signed with the Hoosiers. So was Hamilton Southeastern guard Gary Harris, a highly sought after member of the Class of 2012 who has yet to commit. Hoosier students chanted his name during the game.

Crean already has Class of 2012 commitments from forward Hanner Perea, guard Ron Patterson and center Peter Jurkin. He also has commitments from the Class of 2014 with Bishop Luers guard James Blackmon and Indianapolis Tech forward Trey Lyles.

In case you’re counting, that's eight high-profile guys committing since summer.

“Crean is building a heck of a team,” Hoosier Deep Throat said. “All that was missing was the point guard. Yogi is a true point guard. He’s the real deal.

“IU will have size, speed, athleticism and skill. They will kick rump.”

I picked up the cigars. “You seem awfully sure of yourself for someone who hides in the shadows.”

Suddenly I was pelted with hard objects. I had to cover my face. When the barrage was finished, I realized Hoosier Deep Throat was gone. The parking garage floor was covered with silver dollars. In the middle of them was a note. It said two things:

“It’s a done deal.”

“Buy yourself a dress.”


  1. I believe in Deep Throat

  2. Haha, Will Ferrell.

  3. Nice piece of humorous writing. Hope it's not a fairy tale.


  4. I am having trouble deciding if this is true or not. I hope it is true. I still think that Hulls will be a really good point guard as he has proven throughout his career that he can adapt to new things. Go Hoosiers. I think that apologies are in order from some of you out there in hoosierland for ridding Coach so hard. Yeah baby!!!!


  6. Why does every article forget about Austin Etherington. The kid is the best shooter we have recruited in 20 years!