Abell Commits -– Hoosier Deep Throat Offers IU Basketball Truth

We got the call just after midnight. Hoosier Deep Throat was back and wanted to talk about Remy Abell joining the Indiana basketball team.

We arrived at a parking lot deep in the heart of campus. Darkness hid everything but the truth. Never-ending rain made us wonder if it was really Noah who had called.

We waited for the tell-tale glow of a cigarette. Instead, we heard crunching coming from a pitch-black corner of the garage, and then a familiar raspy voice.

“I don’t have all day,” Hoosier Deep Throat said.

“What’s that noise?” we asked.

“Apples. It’s healthier than cigarettes. At least, that’s what my doctor said.”

A shape shifted in the darkness. Something bounced on the concrete toward us. It was the damp remains of an apple core. Hoosier Deep Throat was still shooting straight.

“So what do you think about this Abell guy committing to Indiana?” Deep Throat asked.

We told him what we knew. Abell is from Louisville Eastern High School. He’s a 6-4 combo guard who averaged 16 points, 3.5 rebounds, 2.5 assists and 2.0 steals this past season. He plays strong defense and that was big given that wasn’t a Hoosier strength last year. He’s used to winning -- Eastern has won 113 games in his four years, including 33-3 this season when it reached the Kentucky state semifinals. He’ll join super stud Cody Zeller and shooting guard Austin Etherington in Indiana’s upcoming freshman class.

“But what’s the big picture?” Hoosier Deep Throat asked. Munching began again. Another apple. Apparently, he’d arrived with a healthy appetite.

“Well, IU will have a lot of guards.”

“You’re gosh-darn right they will,” Hoosier Deep Throat said. “They’ll have like 57 guards. Does that seem right to you?”

Hoosier Deep Throat was exaggerating. Next season IU will have Jordan Hulls, Maurice Creek, Verdell Jones, Victor Oladipo, Will Sheehey, Matt Roth, Daniel Moore, Etherington and Abell at guard. A cynic could even call 6-9 Christian Watford more of a guard than a small forward given his perimeter role. Coach Tom Crean will have plenty of competition to keep everybody sharp and hungry.

“That’s a problem,” Deep Throat said. More munching and crunching. “A big problem.”

“In what way?”

“Follow the numbers.”

We hesitated because we didn't want to seem stupid. “What does that mean?”

Another apple core bounced toward us.

“Even a math genius like you should be able to figure it out,” he said.

We waited. Beyond the parking garage, rain and wind battered the campus. The drive home was going to be hell.

“Tom Crean isn’t an idiot,” Deep Throat said. “There’s no way all those guys are going to be happy with playing time. And then the next year, Yogi Ferrell, Ron Patterson and Jeremy Hollowell are coming. And Crean is still going after that Gary Harris guy, and guess what? He’s another guard.”

More crunching. Deep Throat had started on yet another apple.

“Plus, Crean is still going after forward Mitch McGary and he’s already two over the scholarship limit of 13.

“It’s a bleeping logjam!”

A hand smacked against the concrete walls. Deep Throat was becoming edgy.

“Somebody’s leaving,” Deep Throat said. “Crean’s tweet tells you that.”

He referred to Crean’s Wednesday night tweet that said, in reference to his continuing to recruit for the Class of 2011, “It never ends. We are always looking to make this program better.”

“That doesn’t say anything about somebody leaving,” we said.

“You gotta read in between the lines,” Deep Throat said. “Think like a coach and not like a bleeping sports writer!”

A long pause.

“Maybe you should have an apple.”

An object shot out of the darkness toward us. We snagged it clean like the Steelers’ Hines Ward has done for the last decade or so.

We wondered if Deep Throat had lost his touch. Maybe giving up cigarettes had cost him his insight, like Sampson without his hair.

“So who’s leaving?”

No response. The apple had been misdirection, like a magician. Hoosier Deep Throat was gone. As for his implication about somebody leaving, well, that lingered like the bitter sweet smell of an apple core.